My Hospice Story: Madelyn Balitz
Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Tidewell Hospice
“My Hospice Journey took a twist when I went from Social Worker to daughter in Sept. 2011. I have worked at Tidewell Hospice in Sarasota Florida for 8 years and felt I was able to explain the Hospice Journey to my patients and their loved ones well, support each person and help them find peace in the dying process. At the same time I was caring for my aging mother and I regarded her as a good resource for me to understand the feelings of the aging population and their desire to look forward to dying with dignity. I felt I brought this perspective to some of my patients and was able to relate in a very special way. So then….why was it a shock to me when I faced the dying process with my own mother?
In September of 2011 my mother agreed to Tidewell Hospice services for her diagnosis of CHF. She was 93 years old and after 9 years of being her primary caregiver I started to believe she would live to 100 plus….maybe even out live me!!! Hospice came on board and the dedicated Doctor explained to me and my siblings just what was happening to our mother and honestly…and unlike any other Doctor my mother had who denied that she was declining.
It was like I heard the words I said so often to my patients….but now…for the very first time. They were about MY MOTHER. I denied it all…not so much because I was desperate to hang on but because she rebounded so many times in the past 9 years and I was tired of calling my siblings every time just to have them stay with me to visit mom until the storm was over. Then on Thanksgiving day my mother had another rough day of intense pain and the Hospice nurse on-call came and assessed her. She felt mom should be moved to the Hospice House due to the intensity of her pain and the shortage of care she was able to get at her ALF. I thought “well ok….but I will have her home again by Monday” and I worried though about a better placement for her…. getting Medicaid application prepared and again letting my siblings know. As I reflect back I see all the signs in moms symbolic language and her direct concerns she had when asked me about what was happening….. that she knew ….she knew now that she was at the end of the Journey and just wanted me….her caregiver, confidant and “Dear friend” to just validate her. By Saturday her Doctor sat with me for hours watching my mom sleep and then awaken to talk, conserving energy whenever she could so that she could stay in the conversations. The doctor looked at me and smiled, heald my hand and said “It’s time to call your siblings.”….WHY ? I thought, this is just a little set back again. I have to work on placing her in a Nursing home and start her Medicaid application!!”
But NO….this was different….as the Doctor suggested that she had about 72 hours or less I sat dumbfounded…in disbelief…how could she be so uninformed?? Staff ralied around to support me and my children called their Aunt and Uncle to let them know as I sat with my dear mom. She looked a me and asked “Am I dying this time” with a smile on her face. I paused and as my mouth opened to speak the words I have had to say so often…my eyes filled with tears and I answered her honestly, “you know mom…I think you are and you won’t be with us this Christmas.” She looked back at me with a smile and said “But how do I do this?”. I smiled and laughed a bit and I heald her hand and told her “very peacefully and with your family at your side”. Our Hospice chaplain explained it another way for her that made sense to her. He said “you will get very tired just like when you were a child, playing hard outside and then at dinner you fall asleep, and your father carries you to bed and you wake up, and you are HOME.” She smiled again and said “I like that.” 72 hours later with her children and a grandchild at her side, she took her last breath. WOW…WOW…how powerful was that? I have seen it a hundred plus times sitting at other’s bedside and I see the family grief….but here and now….I felt the pain in my heart….I watched my beloved mother exit this world…”it just came so fast” I thought to myself….but No…it was a 9 year Journey and then the best part was the three months on Hospice that we focused on her wishes, her story, her questions that helped her die with dignity and peace.
THREE months of a volunteer trained to help mom look at her life accomplishments and find peace in talking to another caring person about her children and her courage and fears, and her favorite recipes!! Having a Social Worker for me to talk to about my role, roller coaster as the primary caregiver. Chaplain to pray, laugh and share her faith and relationship with her God combined with a knowledgeable and honest nurse and Doctor to explain just what her body was doing in a way that we all could understand…THIS made for a true “Hospice Journey” one with dignity, compassion, care and support. A Journey and Education I will never forget. One that has added to my Professional accredidation in a way like no other. THANK YOU Cicely Saunders for the gift of Hospice care!
Madelyn Balitz LCSW,ACHP-SW….(and the most important title….”Daughter”)”